Or should you? Is it up to a lady to empower their partner or is it up to them, to empower themselves very much like it is not up to them to empower you? Only you are responsible for that. You are responsible for your role in the relationship though, and both of you contribute to how the other feels about themselves.
Ladies, if you have been with your partner for some time then read my tips below. Your partner is always worth the effort!
#1 Know them
Don’t assume you know them! Even if you have been together for many years. It could be that they have changed, what they enjoy has changed or that you have stopped trying to get to know them. (Yes – we must take some responsibility here). Make it a point to be curious and interested in your partner’s world, their work, their interests, and their desires. When you met them, you got to know them but now you know them, get to know them again. These open questions bring intimacy and will add a layer of protection to your relationship. When your partner feels known, and feels you are trying to know them more, they will feel empowered. Bring on the bonus if they ask you these questions back and watch your feelings of empowerment grow too.
#2 Be clear
Many of you feel like you are nagging your partner to do something. How often do you say, ‘I need you to fix the leaking tap’ or ‘you need to mow the lawn’ but really? Is that asking them clearly and in a way that holds them to account? Is it even asking in a way that will empower them? How about rethinking how you ask for what it is that you need? You could say, ‘I am not sure if you have noticed the leaking tap, but mould is starting to grow, and the timber is damp. Can I count on you to have a look at it this weekend otherwise I can find another solution?’ You have given him an opportunity with this, and they will hear your question. (No offence – but nobody enjoys being nagged and we all switch off to it).
#3 Appreciate them
When was the last time you thanked your partner for all they do? When was the last time you actually said to them, ‘thank you for all you contribute to the home and me’ or ‘thank you for always listening to me’? Have you told them lately how good looking they are or how you are proud of them? Notice what they do so well. Whether you live together or not, married or not, both of you contribute to the relationship so let them know that you like them and praise them for their contributions. Your partner is amazing and if they know that you like and appreciate them, they will feel more empowered.
#4 Be influenced
You might not like this one, ladies but go on – let your partner influence you! How often do they make a suggestion, and you slam it down because you know best, or you do not listen because it’s a ridiculous idea that won’t work anyway? We are shocking creatures when it comes to this behaviour and you know what? The next time your partner walks in the door and makes a suggestion, I want you to be influenced! Say yes and go for it (unless it makes you feel unsafe of course). If they have different ideas to yours, which is quite likely, listen to them and as much as it might pain you, let them influence you and watch this empower them. It is not about the win, or who is right or wrong… it isn’t even about the money… when you are in a relationship, how the other person feels is a priority to you so think about that.
#5 Enjoy them
Your partner probably works ridiculously hard to bring in the dollars, to make sure the kids (if you have any) have a little security and you are well looked after going forwards. If their moods change because of this, try not to resent them for it, try to understand it. If they are working longer hours, try to remember who it is for. Your partner is not the person you might think they are. You might think that they get up, go to work, come home, grab a feed, go to sleep in front of the tv and then hit the sack… repeat… but they are so much more. Enjoy them for all the additional elements to that rhythm and do not be afraid to add nice touches to the perhaps monotonous rhythm they have going on.
Your partner is most probably worth the effort from you! So why not make it? Get to know them again, be clear with what you might need, appreciate them for all they do and are, let them influence you and the decisions you make together and finally enjoy them. They are so worth it and if you no longer enjoy them, go back to step 1 and get to know them again.
They are worth it and so are you!
Ella.💕