Menopause? (Shudder!) And why add ‘men’ to it? It is hard enough to deal with without bringing men into the equation. I could tell you what you already know; your body is going through a change… your estrogen levels are low… it is hormonal… go eat right, exercise well and add some spice to your sex life to make you feel better. Feel reassured?
Yeh, right!? You have heard or read about your changes and you already ‘know’ how to address them, yet it still does not feel great.
You do not feel sexy, never mind desirable and you certainly do not feel like grilled chicken and salad for tea. No way! You want to comfort eat because your emotions are firing all over the place, your moods are up and down like a yo-yo from the altering hormonal balance and quite frankly penetration feels like his penis is coated in a thin layer of sandpaper. No beating around the bush here… You do not need or want anyone to tell you what you should be doing right now.
So, let me try an approach that may just work. You are a woman! You may be a mother, a sister, certainly a daughter to someone and you might be an Aunt and friend to many. You still are amazing, and you still are a role model to so many around you. (Do not dare shake your head at those comments). The chances are, your mother never shared with you her ‘changing’ experience and most probably, this change has crept up on you like a snake in the dark. You were not prepared for this and still maybe do not feel like you have your sh!t together.
So, what the hell do you do to get through it?
Well, first up let me congratulate you for embarking on the second half of your life! Some don’t make it this far, but you just have.
Next, let me know tell you that you do not need to be afraid because most of what you are going through is not here to stay! (Doesn’t really make you feel better, huh?) It still does not help with the fact that you are slowly starting to feel like a blazing hot bloated baked potato who is chewing off everyone’s heads as soon as they open their mouths. Righto, so it may not be that bad… but some days it feels like it…
Let’s look at this from two angles.
- Do you go to your doctor? Of course! Keep a diary, or take notes around what you are feeling, when you feel that way and include any physiological symptoms too. Think about questions and write them down when you think about them, so you are prepared but consider the questions they will ask too. They will ask how long you have felt this way, how much pain and/or distress these symptoms are causing you, any treatments you have tried and think about whether your sex life has changed. Your doctor may suggest medications and if you are struggling with vaginal changes, estrogen creams or pills are there to help.
- How do you feel better? First up, share with your partner and if you do not have a partner go grab a glass of wine and chat with a girlfriend. Do not hold back! Your partner needs to know what you are going through physically and mentally otherwise the silence around your altering behaviours will inevitably lead them to create their own story, and most probably a false assumption. It is not always about the sex! Intimacy can boost your sex drive, but it also builds on the connection and bond with your partner. Kiss, caress, touch and play with each other with non-sexual acts if you feel like it but remember, unless you communicate what you feel then they will not get it.
I refuse to make this article about every other tip and trick you can look up online, but I will leave it with this final comment – we very rarely ask ourselves ‘what do I want?’ but if there was ever a time to make this change, it is now! You have spent over half your life working, and many years providing and considering others’ needs that you have become totally unconditioned for this question, but this second half of your life must become more about YOU! When you know what you want and pursue it with tenacity and passion, you will become quite turned on. Believing in yourself when hormones are having a continues rave in your body, day and night is a challenge but accepting that this is happening, respecting yourself and dealing with what is changing is a great strategy!
Take control of your body and mind by staying aware of the changes and get in front. You control them best you can and do not let them control you. Remember too if you have a partner, they want you to feel great. Include them, embrace them, and let them in.
You have it in you. I believe you do!
PS I would also suggest you explore yourself sexually too. Go have a play and see what does it for you. It is ‘yours’ to play with after all, and our sexual needs continuously change and shift throughout life. Go have some fun! You have lived in a ‘safe place’ for how long??? Be a little adventurous… you might find that it suits you.
Ella.💕